Is brought to you in part by the good people at BarCodes

 

I very much enjoyed the DIANA The People's Princess exhibit at Downtown Disney Westside. That's where my sister, my niece, and I ended up spending the morning after having the gates to Holy Land Experience slammed in our faces as they declared the park "filled to capacity."
 
Everyone who met up with me for breakfast at McDonald's got in. Everyone accept for me and my family; through a comedy of errors and a car emblazoned with one of those "Jesus" fishes that blocked my sister's SUV while letting any other car with a Christian symbol on it in line ahead of us. My niece insisted they could see in their rearview mirror that we were wearing red shirts. Then we ended up parking near a cluster of trees in a field where people were parking haphazardly blocking other people in. By the time my sister was able to situate her car in such a way as to ensure we could escape when we needed to do so, another 500 pilgrims had entered the park. We were five people deep away from getting in when they saw me in line and slammed the gates shut.
 
Now, for the rest of my life, whenever discussion of this topic comes up I'm going to have to listen to Sam Singhaus say, "I told you so," because he insisted from the start that going to McDonald's would result in someone not getting in. (Actually, I planned the whole thing out this way. You see, Sam's career and dating life are both experiencing a personal recession of sorts, and he needs little victories like this to keep him going, and well, being the selfless friend I am, I willingly sacrificed the opportunity to be with hordes of sweaty religious wingnuts on what was an unseasonably warm [94 degrees] October day so Sam could experience a little personal high.)
 
Anyway, let the record show, now and forever, that Sam was right. (Mark your calendars for October 6, 2010, because this was a rare occasion indeed, and I somehow feel that Miss Sammy will be hosting a one-year anniversary celebration to commemorate the day I organized the WANZeGRAM group outing that only I was unable to attend, because I ignored her alter ego's wise counsel.)  I'm telling you there'll be no end to it.
 
Here's the kicker; I invited this really sweet guy named Billy to be my date for the occasion. Billy met me at McDonald's, but drove his own car to Jerusalem. I hope that Mike Wozniak, and Kirk, and Sam, and Robert Currie, and Dale the Mormon, and Fred Berning, Jr. and John Ryan & Eddie, and Jeff Kern, and James Wolf, and Murff all had a good time with my date. (Sorry, Billy. Guess I'll have to invite you to the Food & Wine Festival.) Misty, please take note.

 

Alas, those of us turned away were given rain-check tickets for free entry on a future visit date.
 
My sister Judy and niece Amber and I had a very nice day at Downtown Disney where there was scarcely another person to be found in some areas. As the mercury rose into the mid nineties, we thought perhaps it was a blessing from God that we were denied entry to the Holy Land. I mean to be both oppressively hot and surrounded by oppressive Christians might just have been a little too much for me to bear. At any rate, I wasn't at Gay Day at the Jesus Theme Park, so I am hardly qualified to "report" on the event. (Who knew the capacity for the entire park is only 1,500 people? That's almost how many people can sit and watch The American Adventure at Epcot in a single seating). My question is: If Jesus could feed the multitudes with only 12 fish, why couldn't he get the multitude into his mulit-acre theme park instead of turning 1-4 into a parking lot? To answer these and other questions about Tuesday at Holy Land, we turn to the intrepid Robert Currie, who smugly sent me this, his first-hand account from inside the Theme Park that doesn't pay its property taxes.
 
In Robert's words:
 
"I got there early, as always, at about 8:20 AM. [Oh, F*CK YOU, ROBERT.] It was easy at that time. [RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YA?] I pulled right into the parking lot, where they give you your ticket so you didn't have to line up at the gate. Everyone lined up anyway. I didn't see a single red shirt other than me; that was a little disconcerting. It was just me in the middle of a crowd of Bible thumping, Kool Aid-drinking crazies wearing 'Jesus saved me' tee shirts. They were all staring at me like they were warned about the homosexuals that would be invading their sacred land in Devil red shirts.
 
At about 9:15 they opened the iron gates for some reason. The park was not opening for another 45 minutes. This confused the guy at Guest Services who started letting people in through the Guest Service door to help get the crowd in since the main gate was only 2 turnstiles. After a few of us got in, he was told the park was not open yet and closed the door. We were allowed to stay inside the entrance plaza because it would have been too hard to get people to back up enough to get us out.

 

I proceeded to the Holy Land Coffee Shop where I bought a blueberry scone and a bottle of water - Zephyrhills, not holy. I sat inside the front gate eating my scone while people outside the gate, which had been closed again, asked each other why I was allowed in and they were not. A young African American boy asked his mother if there were any rides in the park, and she practically bit his head off, "No, this is a religious park!"
 
When the gates opened I waited for the rest of the gang to come in, and we began our tour. Our first stop was a cave with a model in it called "the Tiny Town of Bethlehem." The cave only had one path to enter and exit, so you had to squeeze past the people coming out to get in, and vice versa. The model was behind glass and apparently air-conditioned because the glass was covered with condensation. The cave was stifling ho, and in the background Barbara Streisand sang "O Little Town of Bethlehem."
 
Our next stop was another indoor model. I guess all the models are what classifies the place as a museum. At least this one was air-conditioned. We then hit a restroom where Elizabeth Muff got trapped by some woman preaching in the doorway. You'll have to have her tell you that story.
 
We then went to the 10:30 AM "Last Supper Communion with Jesus."

Sam said it best when he exclaimed, "this is really creeping me out!"   A woman came around the replica table of the last supper with a tray full of wafers and small wooden cups of grape juice (she looked like she was selling Jello shots). At least we got a free souvenir; we got to keep the wooden cup after partaking in communion with fake Jesus.
 
Then we went to the Garden Tomb; another stifling hot cave supposedly like the one Jesus was laid to rest in. It was a great opportunity for John Ryan to lie on the shelf and give his best Ann Margaret pose for the camera, to the great dismay of the old woman coming in behind us.

 

We then went to the "kiddie land," a bizarre little area with a rock climbing wall, a whale you can walk inside and see Jonah floating around with a squid, and the park's only ride - a K-Mart- style merry go round with 3 animals and a snake coiled around the center. You enter kiddie land through the Red Sea, parted and standing on end by Moses himself. Then we walked through Noah's Ark where I learned that the bottom deck was where the dinosaurs were, and the kangaroos wore boxing gloves.

 

This brought us back to the front gate where we decided to skip the shows and go out for lunch. The only show I really cared to see was the one where they beat up Jesus on stage, mainly because I just can't believe they do it. "The Four Ladies Who Love Jesus" sounded like fun, but I don't think it was what I was expecting.

 

 

As we exited the park I was amazed by the chaos that had developed while we were inside. All the surrounding roads were closed, cars were everywhere, and people were walking to the park from miles around like some wacky pilgrimage, only to be stopped at the parking lot entrance where they waited outside the gate in a mob as one by one people were let in as people left. It was insane. All for a free admission into a $35.00 park. I wouldn't have gone through all that if they were giving $35.00 cash, or $50.00, for that matter.
 
I'm glad I finally got to see the inside of the Crazy Land Experience, without paying to do so. Maybe I'll do it again next year and watch the shows, or not." -- Robert Currie
 
Robert Currie is a Beach Blanked Bingo regular and habitual winner.  He is a theme park enthusiast with an annoying habit of being early for things.

 

 

Holy Land Experience Alternative:

The self-guided stroll-through-at-your-own-pace traveling exhibit highlighting the childhood, the royal wedding, the fashion, the charitable works, and the death of Princess Diana is now on display at Downtown Disney Westside (on the ground floor of what was formerly Virgin Records Mega Store) through November 30, 2009. 

 

 

DIANA The People's Princess
Downtown Disney
Through November 30, 2009 ONLY!
 
Open daily:
11AM-11PM
 
Tickets may be purchased at the exhibit:
Adults: $14.50
Children: $5

 

This very popular event is being presented in a smaller venue than usual, so advance ticket purchase is strongly recommended. All tickets are General Admission.
 

 

 

3 PM:

COME OUT WITH PRIDE PARADE
in Downtown Orlando

 

 

 

The Come Out With Pride Parade will step off at the corner of East Robinson & Summerlin at precisely 3 PM on Sunday, October 11. The parade will travel south on Summerlin; west on Central; north on Rosalind; and East on Robinson.
 

5:30 PM
Heroes Entertainment Spectacular!
Guest Speaker - Stuart Milk
Walt Disney World Amphitheater at Lake Eola Park 

 
 
6:30 PM
National recording artist and LGBT activist
Ari Gold
Walt Disney World Amphitheater at Lake Eola Park
 
7 PM - 9 PM
Pride Dance with DJB
(Walt Disney World Amphitheater)

 

 

The Genesis Community Program, which has be serving Children & Families in Orlando's Parramore's Neighborhood since 1994, is Participating In Macy's Shop For A Cause on Saturday, October 17, 2009, to take place at the Orlando Fashion Square location.

 

 

 

Jeff invites you to play BINGO For A Cause
 
Miss OBTA Charity Bingo at BarCodes
 
Hosted By
Wilma Dikfit-Moore and Tequila Mockingbird
 
Performance by current Miss OBTA Queen
MeMe Morgan
 
Sunday, October 18, 2009
 
BarCodes
4453 Edgewater Drive
Orlando, FL   32804
  
First Game
4:15 PM
 
$1 Bingo games for charity
Drink specials
Bar-B-Q for charity by donation
 
Proceeds to benefit the Genesis Community Program

 

A fundraiser comprised of tennis players from the Orange Blossom Tennis Association with 100% of the proceeds to benefit the Genesis Community Program, which serves children and families in Orlando's Parramore neighborhood.
 
Master of Ceremonies 
Michael Wanzie
 
Pre-Show Host 
Doug Bowser
 
Reigning Queen 
MeMe Morgan
 
Celebrity Judges 
Daisy Lynum (Orlando City Commissioner, Dist. 5)
Moira (Real Radio 104.1, The Philips Phile)
Miss Jacqueline Jones (International Jazz Artist)
Miss Sammy (Broadway Performer & Orlando Legend)
 
Dozens of Raffle Prizes To Be Awarded: Tickets $1 each
Need Not Be Present To Win
 
Miss OBTA Pageant
 
Thursday, October 22, 2009
 
Doors open at 7:00 PM  / Show at 8:00 PM
 
Footlight Theatre at The Parliament House
 
$10.00 General admission at the door
 
You may reserve your seat
Online for a gift of $25:
 
Select-A-Seat- Now
 
The Genesis Community Program is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization

 

You can read THE WORLD ACCORDING TO WANZIE right here, then pick up a copy of the Magazine to see WHO's in WHO. (There's always lots of Out And About pictures.)

 

 

Click here to read Wanzie's Story Online

Submit YOUR Short Take directly to WANZIE at michael@wanzie.com.Be sure to type "Short Take" in the subject line. Short Takes submissions must be received no later than midnight on each Tuesday, for inclusion in the following Friday GRAM.  A strict limit of 30 words maximum is imposed. You must provide your first and last name, which will be printed following your submission. Your name will not figure into your word count. All postings will be at the sole discretion of the management team at the lovely WANZIE.com World Headquarters, with offices inconveniently located in Melbourne, and Lake Mary, Florida.

 

Two WANZeGRAM editions back, I shared the second part of our Mediterranean Atlantis cruise, including the visits to Rhodes and Mykonos.  This week starts with Day 7, the last stop along the Greek Isles and our return to Italy.

 

Day 7 of our cruise found us pulling into Santorini, Greece at about 9 AM.  We all had a pretty good night sleep, as there was no party the night before.  Santorini is a collection of volcanic islands, the largest of which is Thira.  It was the sight of one of the most powerful volcanic events in recorded history and is said to have been the inspiration of Plato's story of Atlantis.  With multiple seismic events over the course of many years, the area had formed into multiple overlapping calderas, with numerous islands bordering its circle.  These islands are actually non-volcanic mountains, consisting primarily of metamorphosed limestone and schist.  So it was like concrete, but the mountainside was beautiful.  We had to tender in, but the port area was rather small.  We needed to get to the top of the mountain and there were only two ways up.  The funicular (cable-operated-lift) straight up the side, or by camel, zigzagging up a stinky old road.  We were warned that the camels didn't smell real good and you were often on the very edge of cliffs and such, well, needless to say, we opted for the funicular. 

 

We decided that we would go an explore the other side of Thira, where the shops, restaurants and homes cut into the mountainside, beautifully themed in the traditional Greek white with light blue trim.  Apparently this is the area where much of the movie Mama Mia was filmed.  But more importantly, this is where Madonna has a home and so Eddie insisted that we head on over and start looking in windows!  At the top we took a local bus for the 25-minute ride to the other side.  It was hot.  Not humid, but definitely hot.  When we arrived we walked up a long stairway and into the middle of a wandering collection of walkways, filled with little boutiques, galleries, restaurants, vacation homes and bars.  We spent a few hours roaming around, taking in the amazing sights and partaking of the local sweets, coffees and beers.  There were dogs everywhere, lounging around on the walkways and mixing about with the locals and the tourists.  Of course, the area was covered with the gays too, posing for pictures everywhere and shopping, shopping, shopping!  Of course, nobody likes shopping more than me, but alas we had to make our way back to ship.  And that involved a bus ride, the long line at the funicular and the tender back to the ship.

 

The party that night on board was 90's Diva theme.  (Oh well, it's better than the 70's party.  Love that disco!)  We were all looking forward to tonight's party because tomorrow was another day at sea as we made our way back towards Italy.  Once again, Brian and I hadn't planned anything to wear for the 90's party.  I don't think that the rest of the group had either, but a few of them discovered a store-full of Teletubbies backpacks in Mykonos and they bought 25 of them.  That night they put them on their bare backs and wore these skimpy shorts (actually, Mike and Eddie bailed on the short-shorts and wore long bathing suits) and once again created quite a buzz on the dance floor.  I promised Mike and Eddie that we wouldn't share the photos with the WANZeGRAM subscribers and I'll keep my word.  But I'm sure that they'd be happy to share them with you.  You know how to get in touch with them, I'm sure.  It was very well documented.

 

Saturday at sea was a relaxing day.  We all just hung out around the pool, had a picnic on the grass at the top of the ship and then awaited the biggest party of them all: The White Party.  This was to be the crown jewel of themed outfits for our group and we had to meet up a solid two hours before the party started.  The idea the gang came up with for the White Party involved a football theme.  The name of our team was Asperos, which is Greek for white.  They also liked it because it sounded like "ass-pros".  Each of use would have the word stenciled in white across our chests.  We had our assigned numbers on our backs and shoulders and a name across the tops of our backs.  White lines under our eyes, white frosting in our hair, white tennis shoes and long white sports socks (sorry Wanzie), and glitter (glitter was a main ingredient in most of the varied costumes).  You have to see the photo below, it was crazy getting ready!  We were the hit of the party.  There were 26 of us on the dance floor, all coordinated in these funky costumes.  Everyone kept asking us what "Asperos" was and I'm sure several of our fellow teammates probably scored just because of the outfit alone.  The only thing that sucked about the White Party was that we had an early morning in Naples.  So, we partied late but knew we wanted to have some time in port and managed to get a few hours sleep.  Some of the queens went straight from the dance floor to the dock.

 

Several folks took tours to Isle of Capri; some visited the Roman ruins of Pompeii.  We were running out of energy and managed to just get off the ship to wander around Naples.  There was a huge castle facing the port area and just on the other side of it was the town center.  There were lots of shops and restaurants, with bikes and tiny automobiles flying all about, like most any other Italian city.  But it was Sunday, and most of the shops were closed.  People clearly did not get the memo about the 2800 fags coming in on the big ship!  Or maybe they did!  We thought that since we were back in Italy we would find a nice pizza and a cold Peroni along the water, overlooking Mount Vesuvius.  One would think finding pizza in Naples, the birthplace of the glorious pie, would be like stepping in dog poo in Greece (sorry, Eddie), but noooooooooo!  Each pizzeria told us "no", apparently having ceased offering pizza at that time of day on Sunday.  We finally convinced the manager of one place to make us a couple and we did get to enjoy the food and the view (pic below).  Then it was back on the ship for our final night!  We return to Civitavecchia in the morning and we get kicked off the ship bright and early.

 

The last night on the ship was much more subdued, probably because everyone had to have their luggage out in the hallway relatively early.  And some of these girls just couldn't dance without a costume.  Or, after 9 days of non-stop parties, camel-riding, snorkeling and hiking, everyone was pretty worn out.  Everything went smoothly with the luggage and we had a nice, leisurely evening.  We attended comedian Shann Carr's show in the main theater, an Atlantis regular performer.  She traditionally runs a PowerPoint slideshow on the last night of the cruise, commenting about the highs and lows of the cruise and the many ports of call.  She's very, very funny!  Then it was off to bed, as we'd be pulled out of our staterooms at a very early hour.  And that was OK with us, because even though the cruise was coming to a close, we were not at the end of our trip.  Mike and Eddie had arranged for a private tour of Rome for about 8 of us, that not only included stops at all of the great sights, but picked us up directly at the port, saving us from having to be steered like cattle back to the airport or hotel, about 45-minutes from port.  And with so much to see in Rome, it looks like I'll have to wrap it up next week.  I've got lots of great photos from Rome and details about our next Atlantis adventure, next year.  There's plenty of time of make plans now to join us.  But, well, next week!

 

 

 

Rich Charron is the Online Box Office manager for WANZIE.com and is also an accomplished composer and pianist who collaborated with Wanzie on such shows as FORBIDDEN KINGDOM, MONORIAL INFERNO, IN CLOSE QUARTERS, LIZZIE The Musical, LIVING ON THE EDGE, and others. Rich is one of those stereotype-smashing gays who is as at home on the golf course and the soccer field as he is in the theater. He is great at volleyball, loves the Orlando Magic, and is a huge Florida Gators fan who despises Rogers & Hammerstein. Rich married well and travels a great deal.
 

 

My Two Cents submissions must be received no later than midnight on each Monday for possible inclusion in the next Friday GRAM. A strict limit of 350 words will be imposed. Please submit your column directly to WANZIE at michael@wanzie.com and kindly type "My Two Cents" in the subject line.

 

THEATER - FOREVER PLAID
Forever Plaid celebrates the delightfully goofy reincarnation of four male singers killed in a car crash on the way to their first big concert and now, miraculously, revived for a plaid-fabulous time for audiences everywhere.  Singing in the closest of harmony, squabbling boyishly over the smallest intonations, the Plaids are a guaranteed smash with a series of well-loved songs and right-on patter that keep audiences laughing as they hum along to some of the great nostalgic pop hits of the '50s and 60's. 

 

 

October 9-25, 2009
Fridays and Saturdays at 8 PM
Sundays at 2PM
 
The Garden Theatre
160 W. Plant Street
Winter Garden, FL   34787
 
$18-$22
 
Reservations: 407-877-GRDN (4736) hit 0 for the Box Office
Note: Box office is closed on Mondays & Tuesdays

 

THEATER  -  CATS
One of the longest running Broadway shows ever. Winner of seven Tony Awards including Best Musical, CATS features 20 of Andrew Lloyd Webber's timeless melodies, including the hit song, "Memory."

 

 

October 20 - 25, 2009
 
Tuesday, October 20 through Saturday, October 24 at 8 PM
Saturday, October 24 at 2 PM
Sunday, October 25 at 1 PM & 6:30 PM
 
 
Carr Performing Arts Centre
401 West Livingston Street
Orlando, FL 32801
$34 - $65
Box Office: 407.849.2000
http://www.broadwayacrossamerica.com/orlando

 

THEATER - THE SEAFARER
Theatre Downtown production of the tingling drama by Conor McPherson.  Everyone in this dark and enthralling Christmas fable of despair and redemption descends at some point to oceanic depths of drunkenness, including a sinister fellow who is not of this world.

 

 

October 16 - November 7
Thursday, Friday, & Saturday at 8:00 PM
Select Sundays at 2 PM
 
Theatre Downtown
2113 N. Orange Ave
Orlando, FL   32804
 
Tickets: $18.00/$15.00 for Seniors & Students
 
The 1st Thursday of the production all tickets are only $10.00
 
Reservations: 407-841-0083
 

 

 SOCIAL NETWORKING - SPEED DATING
Finding it hard to find the man of your dreams? Well look no further; Fort Lauderdale-based Stylus Introductions is coming to
Orlando on Friday, October 23 to host Speed Dating at the Parliament House. This event is specifically designated for 30 to 50 year-old gay males. For more information, online discount coupon, and to reserve your space for this Speed Dating event, simply log on to  -  www.MyStylus.com

 

 

TRAVEL - JOIN WANZIE/WORLD'S LARGEST CRUISE SHIP
The departure date for the seven-night Eastern-Carribean Itinerary cruise sailing from the port of Ft. Lauderdale is April 24, 2010. Cruise with Wanzie and other WANZeGRAM subscribers aboard what is soon to be the largest cruise ship in the world - Royal Caribbean's OASIS OF THE SEAS. The time to book is right now. Only a $250 deposit is required at this time.
For complete information and lots of great pictures of the ship, visit the CRUISE WITH WANZIE page on the Wanzie.com website:    http://www.wanzie.com/cruise.html

 

 

A List of Coming and Ongoing Attractions, which are not featured elsewhere in your current WANZeGRAM

October 16   ALL HALLOWS FRINGE: Hosted by Wayburn Sassy & Didi Panace - Orlando Shakes

October 17   ALL HALLOWS FRINGE: Hosted by Wanzie & Pepe' - Orlando Shakes

October 18   Janine Klein: GAY BAR STAR - Footlight Lounge

October 30   JEKYLL and HYDE - Greater Orlando Actors Theatre
November 7     HOLY CRAP - Footlight Theatre


ONGOING

 

"I'm coming out. I want the world to know..." -
 
It was 1981 when Miss Ross provided that gay anthem for the coming out movement.
 
But the record had to be played over and over and over again before National Coming Out Day was established in 1988.
 
The American-born National Coming Out Day (an outgrowth of the Second March on Washington for GLBT Rights) is, in fact, observed in many countries, including Switzerland, Germany, Canada, and Netherlands each year on October 11, as established by its U.S creators. For reasons unbeknownst to me, The United Kingdom observes National Coming Out Day on October 12. (But then again, they also drive on the wrong side of the road.)
 
Here in Orlando, the gay community has chosen to have their annual Gay Pride Parade in association with October's National Coming Out Day rather than in June, which is officially Gay Pride Month.
 
This is mainly due to the fact that it's too damn hot in June, there are often afternoon showers, and because Gay Pride Day (June 25) comes too close on the calendar to Orlando's Gay Days festivities, which are always clustered around the first Saturday in June - and by the time the Parade would come around, everyone was still recovering, financially as well as physically, from Gay Days. (Besides, there is nothing worse than Drag Queens melting in the summer sun.)
 
So - October it is.  And this year, parade-day-Sunday just happens to fall right on October 11.
 
So - Come out, come out, wherever you are!
 
Coming out is a process. If you are gay and you are out of the closet to some people in your life but not to others, then you still have some coming out to do. Why not latch onto this weekend's worldwide coming out stampede and get it over with.
 
If you are NOT gay, and know someone who is, but he or she is not completely out, give 'em a gentle shove - or use the link at the bottom of this WANZeGRAM to forward this gram to your closeted friends or relatives. When you use the forwarding link provided below, the gram arrives in the inbox of your friends just as you received it, and the feature also provides a space for you to include a personal message. Nudge. Nudge.
 
If your are a straight person, you are also welcome and encouraged to come out to your other straight friends who may not be aware that you are close to gay folk, or that you have gay persons in your family. Yes, even straight people have a coming out process to endure (or enjoy) if, in fact, you keep company with gays but you have friends or relatives who don't know that about you. If you fall into this category - come out of the closet already, you flaming heterosexual!
 
And, of course, no one needs to be gay to attend the Come Out With Pride Parade in Downtown Orlando on Sunday at 3 PM.
 
After all, I'm not a Veteran, but it never stopped me from going to the Veteran's Day parade. For that matter I'm not a Christian, but you couldn't keep me away from a good Christmas parade. And as far as parades go; Orlando's Come Out With Pride Parade is, indeed, just what the slogan says it is - "Orlando's most colorful Parade."
 
You'd be thilly to miss it.
 
(I mean Silly)
 
I'm WANZIE and That's All I Wrote!